conversation with a cloud
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 | link
A guest chat with the inimitable Steven Cloud:
Me: i can't believe that your camera busted!
Me: why can't you get another one?
Steven: i'm really superstitious
Steven: i started the site when i moved here
Steven: and when i decided to move
Me: I think you're just pulling a "web pique"!
Steven: the camera broke
Me: oh man.
Steven: so, i think i'm going to start fresh when i get to NYC.
Me: you can't ignore it!
Steven: maybe sell-out and go digital
Steven: no, you can't!
Me: only now you're just going to SKETCH EVERYONE!
Steven: it was too creepy
Me: but, when people say, "I'm really into tennis," I think you should draw their little hands holding a LAPTOP instead
Me: that could be your niche
Me: the "mixing up the hobbies" sketch guy
Steven: hahah! yeah, i like that idea
Steven: really bad caricatures
Steven: that totally miss the mark
Me: OR, you could draw everyone with big bulges in their crotches
Steven: i don't like to publish those drawings. i have several legal injunctions preventing me from doing so.
Me: well, maybe if you were a little more subtle
Steven: or just draw what i imagine their genitals look like
Steven: now, i'm getting crass.
Me: if they say, I love tennis
Me: you draw them having sex with a bunch of different guys, really slutting it up
Me: and just say, "my ex wife loved tennis"
Me: looks like you may not need to get a job in ny after all!
Me: this idea pays for itself!
Steven: seriously, all i need now is a sharp pencil
Steven: one time i was down at fisherman's wharf
Steven: (don't ask)
Steven: and i was just strolling around and walked up on these 2 caricature artists and they were fighting!
Steven: yelling and throwing pens and colors
Steven: i guess one was invading he others territory
Steven: it was amazing
Me: this sounds suspiciously like IMPROV!
Me: was there a third sketch artist recording everything?
Steven: haha! oh, man... i could have been seriously duped.
Steven: it made my day, tho'
Me: actually, it kind of sounds like the shows that they put on at knotts berry farm, or any other wild, wild west spots
Me: "you varmint!" etc
Me: so, like, if there were ever a san francisco theme park
Me: that show would play ever two hours
Me: and they'd have paid hippies wandering around, "selling incense"
Steven: it'd be great if they fought and threw paint and pencils and stuff and then at the end of the show they pick up a piece of paper and it's a perfect caricature of some guy sitting in the front row
Me: and protest marches instead of parades!
Steven: haha! yeah!
Me: hahaha! hooo! totally!
Me: and "topless" "lesbian" "motorcyclists"
Steven: you'd have several "Frank Chu" character walking in different parts of the park so that everyone got a chance to get their picture taken with him
Me: and there'd be a squat and gobble, and a ben and jerrys, and a crepevine!
Me: this reminds me of my old idea for a video game?
Me: sim work?
Steven: ha, how's it work?
Me: where you just have to keep typing words, and pressing buttons to "fax" things, and the more you do it, the more your "bank account" goes up, but your health/sanity points go down
Me: so you have to "go to the gym" or "go on vacation"
Me: and while you're at the gym, it's just really boring shots of you on the treadmill with readouts of your heartrate and distance traveled
Steven: i like it.
Me: and on vacation, you have to spend the whole time searching for postcards and getting weird gifts and mementos, also drinking
Steven: you'd have to sit in meetings a lot and say stuff
Me: but it would just be from a pulldown of pre-existing comments
that you had to rotate through
Steven: "I agree"
Steven: "what time is the review tomorrow?"
Steven: "can we push this back a day?
Me: "let's take the ball and run with it"
Steven: "we need to call in some freelancers"
Me: and then a bunch of lame pop culture references!!
Me: "we're going to need a bigger boat"
Steven: really old and bad ones "sha-WING!"
Steven: "i'm going to pump (clap) YOU up"
Me: "[puts pinky to corner of mouth.]"
Me: "making cop-ies"
Steven: anything Austin Powers
Steven: oh man, speaking of....
Me: "yeah, baby!"
Steven: i have to run to a meeting.
Steven: i'm going to use this material.
Me: Are you kidding? I'm going to put this whole conversation up on my site!
(PS: My diary has officially moved over to my official evany.com website. Let's meet up over there!)