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Thursday, Jan. 29, 2004 | link
This happened a long time ago, but I only now remembered it and it makes me so happy, I don't want to forget it ever again. So.
After a long, long trip to New York, my friend Colin stopped by the house for a visit (this was back when I was living in LA). The second I saw him, I started laughing. He was wearing a big, puffy neck brace and his front tooth was chipped off. "Oh boy, Colin."
"Hey!" He laughed a dusty, yeah-I-know sort of "hehe."
"Wow," hahaha! "What HAPPENED?"
"Oh, you know."
Turned out Colin had gotten super, duper drunk one night and had run into Central Park, alone, to swing, swing, swing on a playset. After the inevitable, spectacular fall, which landed him right on his face, Colin found himself sprawled on the sand in the pitch-black dark, his neck kind of aching and his front tooth-line suddenly jagged. He got himself over onto his hands and knees and scrabbled around until he found his missing tooth, then ran to the nearest circle of light. And when he opened his clutched fist to inspect his find, what did he find there, sitting on the meat of his palm like a glass slipper on a velvet cushion? The chipped bottom half of a tooth? No. Colin had dug himself up a peanut.
As he drunkenly leaned in to examine the disappointing fact of his precious, precious peanut, a drug dealer/pimp kind of character materialized out of the dark. "Whatcha got there?"
"I thought it was my tooth," Colin lisped. "But I think it's a ... peanut?" Colin held it up to the man for his opinion.
The man confirmed the peanut, then comforted Colin, maybe even patted him on the back?, and said, "Aw, you don't need that tooth anyway. Mine's been missing for years." He smiled wide and Colin could see that he was missing the exact same tooth. They were tooth-hole twins!
Anyway, that was the same night, I think, that Colin passed out drunk on the subway and had his pockets slashed. And then, because those were the only jeans he had, he continued to wear the pocket-torn pants for the whole rest of the trip. "I had to keep remembering not to put stuff in my pockets!" I'm pretty sure that was the same trip, too, that he lost 60 dollars playing the shell game, and then WENT TO THE ATM for more money, and lost another hundred. Hahah, Colin.