Last night I had myself one of Mary Chen's Miranda moments (kind of like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse), only instead of a sandwich, I choked on a prune. A prune! Dried plum I mean!

Worse still (and perhaps the reason I choked?): At the moment the dried plum blocked my esophagus, I was watching Lifetime. So yeah, "Potentially constipated thirtysomething chokes while watching Lifetime's 'Homeless to Harvard'." (Boy, use less napkins everybody, because Thora Birch needs some serious saving. The end.)

After I finally managed to cough up the lump of prune, somehow remembering in my panic to cross my legs so as not to lose my tampon, I wrote a little ditty about the adventure (this works best when sung to the tune of "Swingin' on a Star"):

Would you like to choke on a prune
Maybe menstruate along with the moon
Really let people know you're a-loon?
Or would you rather be astigmatic?

Note that "a-loon" can be read as "crazy" or Scottish for "alone."

(PS: My diary has officially moved over to my official evany.com website. Let's meet up over there!)

(PS: My diary has officially moved over to my official evany.com website. Let's meet up over there!)