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cupcake weather and elliott smith
Wednesday, Oct. 22, 2003 | link

I got a bunch of feedback on the previous entry, long and thoughtful feedback, and it was all very, surprisingly helpful. I'm trying to compile it all into some sort of cohesive report for you all (stay tuned!), but in the meantime, I just wanted to let you know that I've finally settled on a game plan. I'm totally joining The Forum!

- - - - - - -

Today started off so great. The fine weather seems to have broken finally, which is a relief. I loved all the sun, but something about how it kept going and going was really beginning to creep me out. I grew up in the Bay Area and have lived here the bulk of my life, and I can not remember a summer lasting this long, this warm. I was getting that apocalypse feeling! So yay tight-sweater, leave-stomping Fall!

When I woke up, Marbles was sitting on the floor in that peculiar loaf-of-bread shape cats get into, which is always so cute you want to bite something but was even more so because today she was perfectly balanced on top of one of my socks! Protecting her little pink and black pads from the cold hardwood floor! I thought to myself, "that Marbles isn't a cat, she's a cute!" Wait. "She isn't a kitty, she's a cutie!" This isn't coming out nearly as good as it sounded in my head. Much like my little "savory french toast" idea.

So the weather, the cutie, then I had a great shower with the perfect degree of hot, then my hair fell pretty much into formation on the very first try, and the latte I got at the Dirty Cafe was archetypal. All the elements of my morning synergized together into this great, "anything can happen!" mood, and I was practically skipping to work. But then, Elliott Smith.

I really liked Elliott Smith! I have all his albums and I'm not at all one of those "have all the albums" types. And I think his moment at the Oscars -- Celine Dion performed, then out came Elliott Smith in his weird taupe Goodwill suit and did his quiet thing, then this intensely blonde woman responsible for that year's Disney power ballad sang, and then, THEN, the three of them came out together to take a bow, and Elliott was in the middle, dangling like a scared puppet between these two freakish grins of women, this look on his face like "how the fuck did life take me here?" -- is one of the more perfect, efficiently comedic images going, like no caption necessary, right?

But, he stabbed himself. For his live-in girlfriend to find. That is so terribly desperate, but also just ... mean. Even if they were battling a lot, I mean what do I know, but still, that is a shitty thing to do to someone, even your worst enemy. God.

The worst part, well it's all the worst part, but the way it wasn't really a surprise, the inevitability of it, that is so depressing. I always hope that people like that, obviously troubled people, will do the unexpected and become balloon animal artists or shark experts (like Johnny Rotton!), but when they don't, there's something almost boring about it, like starting an essay with a dictionary definition or adding "TM" to funny up a noun.

But then I stopped by Miette and Liz gave me a day-old cupcake and now everything is BACK ON TRACK!

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Oh I'm not really joining The Forum (or as Leslie calls it, "EST with pee breaks"). I'm changing my life on my own, with NANOWRIMO (or NANONAMBLA or NANU-NANU or whatever). Kidding! Again! Haha no, I'm just going to take more vitamins. (And by vitamins I mean "Reunite on ice".)

(PS: My diary has officially moved over to my official evany.com website. Let's meet up over there!)

(PS: My diary has officially moved over to my official evany.com website. Let's meet up over there!)

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